On the Subject of Personal Matters

I need new panties. Seriously. If I were to be in an accident, I wouldn't have to worry about them being cut off, they'd disintegrate in the ER teams hands.  This is NOT the way I want to be remembered!  I haven't bought new panties, with the exception of the 'birdle' (the under the bra to thigh ultra control device I wore after the C-section), since #3.  Face it - it's time.

So, I went to the site that Sybil recommended as the 'best most comfortable, no panty line, no riding up place' for skivvies.  And I must confess, they did look comfortable on the anorexic model displayed on my computer monitor.  So, I decided to give 'em a try - why not?  I select my size, based on the handy pop-up sizing chart, and the colors that I think will most fit my wardrobe, and press enter... and a little message flashes up: panties run small, order one size up!

WHAT!!!!!!??????????????

I look around the room - is there a hidden camera? Do they think I'm lying? Is some little lady around the world in an internet control room saying to her little friend: " No way!! Her butt bigger than THAT!!!!"

And why would I want to ORDER ONE SIZE UP?  These are my UDNERGARMENTS, for cryin' out loud!  One has to pick the correct size or suffer irreparable damage from a terminal wedgie!!!  Jeans, you can SQUEEZE into, ... but panties? No way.  And I know Stacy and Clinton say its not the size, but the fit,... but who are they kidding?  I'm not fooled!  A girl gets to feelin' all good about herself thinking, yea, I'm gonna need me this here size... not too shabby,... be lookin' mighty fine.... ANd then - WhAMMO! PSYCH! (oh, the '80's were good weren't they?)  Now you're one size up and that just mentally makes your biscuits grow.  I went and looked at my hiney (not naked, good heavens, I'm crazy not stupid!), and I swear it was larger than it was this morning!!!! Wrong!  Now, back to our accident scene: I'd be frightened of being in an accident, and the ER staff thinking I'm one size,... but wait! Her panties are a size larger!  The psychological damage alone from ordering one size up, could set me back years in therapy - which I haven't started yet, but, really, isn't it inevitable?

TRUST ME - SIZE DOES MATTER, ESPECIALLY WITH REGARDS TO PANTIES!!!!!!!!!!  NO ONE WANTS TO BE THE WEARER OF GRANNY PANTIES!!!!!!!!!!

Looks like Sybil's had it in for me all along - shocking? I think not.  And as for new undies? I think not. So I'm gonna wash my hole-y panties so I have some for tomorrow. WHich, by the way are the appropriate size, not that I can still read the label, but I do remember, oh yes I do! Doesn't feel like a 'commando' day to me.