The Scrapheads

This is an important story. Better crack the DC now!  A few years ago, I began scrappin'; it was August of 2002 - oh, I remember it well.  I then introduced a few friends to this incredible pastime and hobby, and thus was born our group,... The Scrapheads.

We got our name from the Hub, who likened us to the Grateful Dead followers in our faithfulness to each other and our cause.  There were originally three Scrapheads, and slowly, we initiated others deemed 'worthy'.  But, as time went on, we had to boot a few out due to their traitorous ways: these are dubbed the Sorry Sisters.

Each member of the organization has an official name, given to them by the two (remaining) founding members of our esteemed group, myself (Sister Maniac), and Sister Scout. The meaning of the name is contemplated seriously at length and even tested for accuracy and 'roll-off-the-tongue-ability'.  Only when we agree is the name officially bestowed on our prized friend.  Not everyone is privy to the meaning!

I just thought  that you, my readers, ought to know a little bit about my Sisters, who keep popping up in conversation.... They are conversation worthy!!!  Right, Sister Whoopi - hee hee hee hee hee!!!!

So, the scourge of the winter has hit - the Masses have all been ill,... even the Hub, which is worse than the Masses being ill in and of themselves.  I just keep my head down and hang on for dear life!!!!

OK, so I'm exaggerating a little.  Artistic license.  I have no real news to date, except that I have found myself fantasizing lately, and not about the usual things: I have been imagining Satan Incarnate dropping dead mid-bark!!!  We bought a bark collar for Fat Annie, the Very Bad Dog, because it was that, or let the Hub target practice;  collar is working well.  So, one recent night as I sat enjoying my nightly apple and book (eat apple, read book), Satan Incarnate began barking his fool head off (oh, that I would BE so lucky).  I did the usual - I tried to ignore him.  He got louder, if that's really possible, and we risked him waking the baby up.  He wants food; that's his only enjoyment in life now.  So, I gave him a nice heaping dollop or two of his nasty food... he ate it and came back for more... bark bark bark... just shut up OK?... bark bark bark... what do you want?... bark bark bark... just go meet Jesus for cying out loud? do you want to go meet Jesus, 'cause I can soooo arrange that... bark bark bark... FINE!  Here's your food... hope you choke on it!  (GLOATING FROM THE DOG!)

Hence the new line of fantasies; not sexy, but oooohhhh so nice!

Sybil called today to tell me that she'd called and left me several messages; I didn't get them I said. Oh, well I left them; several of them. OK, what is going on?  Well, I left it in the messages I left you; the first message tells you about it; the next message I left because you didn't respond to the first message I left you, and I didn't know if you'd gotten the first message or not.  So, I left you another one.  I didn't get them, I said; sorry.  So, what's up, I say.  Well, I know I left you at least two or three messages, because you didn't respond to the first one; I know I've called several times.  But you obviously didn't get the messages.  But I called... several times.

 - this is what I WANTED  to say:

OK ENOUGH - YOU CALLED. YOU LEFT SEVERAL MESSAGES. I DIDN'T GET THEM BECAUSE THE UNIVERSE IS PLOTTING AGAINST YOU AND WANTS TO CUT YOU OFF FROM ALL CIVILIZATION FOR EVER - FOR ALL ETERNITY - AND DO EXPERIMENTAL THINGS ON YOU - THEY LEFT YOU A MESSAGE ... DID YOU GET IT?

AND SHE WONDERS WHY I DON'T ANSWER HER CALLS - MYSTERY SOLVED!!!!!!!

The Hub found the retelling of this story particularly funny, because he has witnessed similar conversations in person (yes, this is a REAL person).  I also find it funny,... annoyingly so!  Will be screening the calls...

By the way, looky who's learning to use all the nifty-neato gadgets on the blog site?  Also, guess who got and iPhone 3G???  HINT: not Sister Whoopi!!!!!

Imitation: the Highest Form of Flattery

So, today, my 'former'  BFF shows me HER blog complete with pic and everything - please note the update to my sight!  Ain't #4 GORGEOUS?  I know!!!!

So, imitation is the highest form of flattery; someone said that, I have no clue who, so I'm taking the credit for now.  See how trends start?  How easily they catch on?  Before we know it, Grandma will have her own blog, and fill all in on her knitting groups dirty little secrets, or the latest gossip at the quilting bee!!!

Well, the Hub has been out of town for a meeting, and we have so far survived - PRAISE GOD!!!  Nothing like good old Mickey D's for dinner one night.  Can you say vacation from the kitchen?  I made Chef Boyardee Spaghetti O's for the Masses tonight (seriously? "Chef Boyardee"?); I had soup - not so much on the canned sketti o's.  All in all, we have survived in style.

Unfortunately, the Hub must miss us terribly, or be terribly disappointed in his new iPhone 3G, because when I talked with him tonight, he was G-R-U-M-P-Y!  Now, I think that is wrong on so many levels!  For one, he's sleeping through the night, and if he's not it is his own stupid fault!!!  Number two, he has NO ONE else to take care of - no one is opening the door to the john (I hope) to ask him if they can have some juice.  Number three, he's had ADULT conversation, and these folks use BIG WORDS!!!  Number four, he has eaten REAL food at REAL restaurants... or better yet, has had room service where he can eat in his undies in bed with no one snitching from his plate!  Number five, he has watched what HE wants to watch on the Boob Tube.

If anything, folks, he should be one truly happy camper!!!  Oh, and number six, he's talked UNINTERRUPTED (wow, what a concept) on the phone or FACE TO FACE with another human being!!!

How can he be in a fowl mood?  Shoot, I'd be sitting there eating strawberries with whipped cream in the favorite comfy jammies  reading a really good book.  So, why is he so,... well, grumpy?

Could it be that he feels a little lost in the world of normalcy and adulthood without all our familiar familial chaos?  Could it be that he feels more grounded knowing that we are here waiting on him to come home, and that he'll be greeted like a hero daily?  Or maybe he misses the sweet little hands and genuine hugs, and the insistent urging to play with us?  Could be.  Bet ya it is.

Oh, and I certainly got me an iPhone too, sister!!!

Pick Your Powers

SO, I was thinking tonight that I would love to create myself as a super hero. What super powers would I have? What would people call me? Would I be immortal? Invincible? Overly muscular? Or just buff enough? What would I wear? (you knew that was coming)  Certainly not satin tights, that's for sure!!!  

I picture myself as the soccer mom, dashing to yoga class with my decaf green tea..., when suddenly (!), I get some sort of signal via my iPhone (ha ha ha Sister Whoopi), and I have to detour to save the world!  I'd certainly be soooo techno-savvy, and cutting edge fashion cool (because my heroine has a rockin' bod); my heroine would age VERY slowly - I'd look fab at seventy;  but most of all, I want one specific power... the "Do Over".

Yep, I would possess, among other things, the incredible and much coveted ability to 'reset' and do it over - with one advantage: I would be able to remember what I had done wrong the first time (hey, this is my fantasy, and I can do what ever I want)!  Wouldn't that be great?

Have a fight with the Hub? No problem! RESET!  Say the wrong thing? No problem! RESET!  Make obscene gestures at someone in traffic, only to find out it was your pastor? NO PROBLEM!  RESET!!  Eat too many mini Milky Ways? RESET!  Oh, I so see all the possibilities here!

Frankly, I think this is more useful that the running faster than a locomotive (who says that anymore?); who uses trains anymore, though I do love to remember the sound of the trains as I lay in bed at night as a child (yes, that's a REAL memory).  I digress.  What good is it if you beat the train, but have toilet paper hanging from your shoe doing so? RESET!

I would be able to redo what I messed up, and know how I messed it up!  Love this idea.  So many times I've said the wrong things to the Masses, and I just know they'll nail me on it in therapy someday - I'd just love to be able to take 'em back, and get it right.  Or, I keep doing the same stupid thing, and wonder why the result isn't getting better.  Just think: RESET!  And my supergal button would have an exclamation point at the end. Life's too short to live it unenthusiastically!!

And for those of us that are raising kids, think about resetting, and finding out that you aren't the reason your kids are messed up!  What if you could go back and be the perfect parent and know that it isn't all your fault.  I think that'd help alleviate a lot of guilt in the world.  In fact, I think it could eradicate a whole classification in the ID-9 system, and totally ruin Freud's thoughts on what makes us tick irregularly.  This could be big!

ANd I'd be powered by Diet Coke.  And no one would charge me for it.  Or make comments on how much I consume.  And I'd be able to fly.  Wheeee!!!!!!

SO, WHAT WOULD YOU DO/HAVE AS SUPERPOWERS IF YOU WERE A SUPERHERO?  Comment and let me know - I might need to add it to my repertoire!

Another Birthday

Well, I'm a year older - sure beats the alternative!  And so far, so good!  I'm not into the whole birthday thing - oh, the gifts are great, but I really want time with my family and friends.  This year, I asked the Hub to donate in my honor to the Project Smile, which travels worldwide repairing cleft lip and palates in third world countries at no cost to the families.  THis is really what I wanted. Awesome!!!  Everytime I see the beautiful smiles of the Masses, I will think of how some blessed parents are seeing the physical beauty of their child match the inside beauty.

My kids gave me scrappin' stuff, and #1 blew me away with a pillow she and Grandma needlepointed for me - she's nine (#1, not Grandma)!  I am a blessed gal!!! The Scrapheads treated me to lunch and dinner, different days and different members.  I felt really celebrated.

Perhaps this birthday thing isn't so bad after all.  I think the celebration is more about the fact that people are glad you were born, not the mileage!  Now that, I can buy into.

For Christmas, I'd like him to donate to the Backpack Meals program at a church in town - they provide weekend meals for kids that might not get enough food for the weekend, and secretly slip the items into their backpacks; they are items easy to prepare, even for a first grader.  Now that says Merry Christmas all over it!!!

Why am I telling you this?  Well, I got to thinking about how much I am blessed with (not Bill Gates style or anything), and I decided that it was time to start giving back.  You know, adopt a family for Christmas, buy toys for kids who might not get any, work at a soup kitchen, etc.  So, this is how I'm starting.  Sure, we give through out the year, and donate clothes, toys, etc, but I wanted to give up something BEFORE I used it - make it really mean something - make it my gift - give my gift - be blessed because I'm gonna do with less (I have everything I need!!!)  And I'd like to encourage you gals, and the hair guru, to think about doing something similar, if you are able.  It doesn't have to be costly financially - make it a gift of time (decorate a tree at the nursing home?).  Happy thinking!!!

Too Much Information

There are certain things, that as a daughter, I do not want to know about my father... ever.  So, DOD (dear old dad) and Nana came to visit, and tonight he and I drove to the pharmacy to retrieve some scripts for the Masses.  When we arrived, the following scenario played out:

Me: Do you need anything, or did you want to wait in the car?

DOD: No, I don't think so.

Me: OK, then I'll be right back.

DOD: Wait there is something I need.

Me: Do you want me to get it for you? What is it?

DOD: I need some hemorrhoid suppositories.

Me: Well, put it in park - you're on your own for that one!

Yes, he wanted me to peruse the aisles and just pick him up some hemorrhoid suppositories, not cream - nope!!! Butt pills!!!  You have gotta be kidding me!!!  We parted once inside the doors of the Walgreens.

But that isn't all.  when we got into the car, he apparently needed to discuss this a little, or whole lot, more!  So, he told me how he'd run out on Sunday, but thought it would be best to have some on hand for the trip home.  He's been having some problems; I prayed silently this was not genetic!!!!  Then he told me about his hemorrhoid conversations with his doctor. Sorry I missed it first hand!

I love DOD, but I wasn't really ready for such personal info... I don't think I ever will be!!!  But, it is good for a giggle or two!