On Crawling and Other Forms of Transportation

I personally believe that if you are going to drive a sports car, say a bright red or bright neon yellow Corvette, that, despite one's age, one should try to look decent, at the least, and totally hip when possible... which means whenever you slide behind the wheel of said vehicle; all other times, simply take the family scooter.  I have seen two such vehicles and their dishevelled, untidy drivers.... OK, they were just down right dowdy, hear?  THis ought to be a crime, or a requirement to actually purchase a car that could be a working man's salary in a third world country for most of his adult life!!!!  Here's the buying procedure:

Sales Dude:" So, you'll have the appropriate clothes and hair-do?"

Buyer: "Yeah, sure."

SD:" Because if you don't, we come repossess the car - opthalmic manslaughter.  Hope you know a good attorney."

Buyer: "Oh. Never mind. Can you show me where they sell the Hyundai's?"

I really think this could work;  Just like you ought to have to be approved to reproduce - some folks just don't want the kids they have, and this should have been screened earlier, so that those who want, receive.  

Speaking of children, #3 had such a riveting conversation with me yesterday; it went something like this:

#3:" Mommy, are you in there?"

Me:" Yes, I'm going to the bathroom." Why do they think I need a friend right then?

#3:"Are you going poo?"

Me:" Not that it's really your business, yes I am. I don't think I need any compnay right now, though!" I am slightly smiling - this is not a new phenomenon in our house.

#3:" But I heard you flush."

Me:" Yeah, but I'm not done yet.  That was a courtesy flush." I am now starting to hear a slight edge in my voice; this was my only opportunity for peace.  It is now fading rapidly.

#3:" What's a 'courtesy flush'?"

Me:" Well, it's when I flush the potty even if I'm not finished because it stinks so badly in here that even the local skunks are shunning me!  Trust me, if I could leave, I'd be gone!"  I am now satisfied that he is satisfied, and will therefore move on.  I am wrong.

#3:" But I heard you flush. Are you done yet?"

Me:"No-oh!"

#3:"How 'bout now?"

Me:" No! Now leave me alone!"

#3:'But I heard you flush! I want to come in!"

Me: "Fine! But it's your nostrils!"

#3:"What are nostrils?" door opening

Now, I find in this scenario the humor in the fact that he was obsessed with me flushing, b/c evidently, though instructed and inserviced to the point the even a pig could flush, my son (and his other guilty siblings) cannot flush a dadgum potty!!!!  No need for a courtesy flush, b/c the cannot flush initially!!  I would be so grateful to remove "Poo-poo-haunted-us" from my vocabulary; for those not in the know, this started as #3's way to say  hippopotamus but one day evolved into Krench as the phrase for 'a poopy left floating in the potty in various forms of decay, one where flushing was never attempted'.

I thought that subtle, gentler reminders would be enough. Again, I was wrong (seeing a pattern?).  So, now, even in public, I LOUDLY ask the child leaving the restroom if he/she has flushed and washed their hands; then, after they come out again, I ask again - very loudly!  If repetition doesn't work, perhaps public humiliation will!!!!  The other parents don't seem to mind me asking their kids either.....

Well, I have to go do damage control... #1 is getting sassy in front of her guest - again, nothing new. Apparently is the age.