The Homebody

Tonight the Hub made a grave error.  He called me a 'homebody'; which, I am not. Homebodies have not traveled to Greece, Turkey, Jamaica, Mexico, France, and Italy.  They do not plan to go to Germany (was a slight possibility, now a bigger one!) next summer.  They do not travel in the US, even. They stay at home.  I'd like to be home more than I am, 'cause, frankly, I have a scrapbook room that needs some work, you know what I mean?  I have four children (my full time job), and the Hub (the OTHER full time job), six dwarf hamsters and two dogs;  I do not stay home!

All this came about because I went to pay my cell phone bill b/c Homeslice Hub hasn't done it, and they are now sending threatening messages via my phone;  once there, I discovered this nifty Blackberry phone that I thought would be truly GREAT for my birthday - I am obviously wrong (according to some sources, who shall remain unnamed for now, but we know who I am talking about). FYI: he has a tendency to pay bills once a month, and therefore, we have most on auto-draft as he tends to be late (oh, how I have had to rescue us with the gas/water/electric co. at my door b/c he forgot to pay the bill - yes, we have the money; he doesn't have the time - pokerstars is a demanding mistress; so is politics).

Back to the story: the Hub, I thought teasingly, told me I didn't need to hook up to the internet in my car - we have it right here at home.  We exchanged witty banter which came to an abrupt screeching halt when he said I was a homebody, and I didn't need to text or email while driving (OK, any idiot knows that is NOT a good idea... DUH!  And though I am exceptionally skilled, I value my life and that of my children - the Hub's insinuation that I would do that... absurd!)!  This he meant. The homebody thing.

Apparently, I don't look like just any idiot, but one that needs this explained. Thanks.  But, I can overlook that, because he's a fool in his own right, but the homebody comment... that means war.  

So, I got to thinking (about ways to off him in his sleep... one eye open, buddy, one eye open) about my role as a stay at home mom - one which I feel particularly blessed to have (seriously).  And I began to wonder if the fact that I often (always) put aside my own agenda for the good of my family and kids is really beneficial to them?  Do they see this self-sacrifice as a strength (like I do), or a weakness (like the Hub must)?  I always thought that with the Hub's inability to be available b/c of his job, that I had to schedule things either conveniently for him, or hire a sitter, or rely on help from the G's, that I was doing my job as a mom, even when it meant saying no to myself.

But am I teaching my kids, and the Hub that I don't matter?  Will they come away seeing that I love what I do, and give up things for them as a choice that I make from LOVE?  Or will they think I'm weak?  Will the Hub look at my sacrifice and think: "What about her dreams?"

 I think about my hopes and dreams, personal accomplishments and agendas, and I wonder if it's time to take them off the back burner.  Maybe it's time to turn up the heat on some of my projects, and see how the Hub handles it.  It requires much more from him than I think he understands, for me to want more for 'me'.  Less for 'him'.  

The question isn't whether or not I am a homebody; anyone with kids would tell you the days of June Cleaver are long gone, sister!   I do enjoy being at home, relaxing, being in 'my space' - and I should.  He enjoys it too!!!  The real QUESTION: can he take the heat?