Apparently, I am funny...

THe conversation went something like this:

ME: Hey, homeslice, I noticed you haven't invitied me to be your friend on facebook yet.

HUB: Why should I? We're married! (chuckles at his cleverness)

ME: Well, what do you think that says about our relationship? Hmmmm?

HUB: Well, I guess not much!  I noticed YOU haven't invited me to be your friend...

ME: Your the boy, you're supposed to ask first!!!

HUB: Oh, is that how it works? (now laughing in my face)

Seriously. He has not invited me to be his friend on FB. What does that really say about us? He's invited sooooo many people that he hasn't talked to in YEARS (decades, really) to be his long lost best friend, but not me - his better half, the love of his life, his life partner, his lobster!!!!

Well, I'm not asking him... because I'm a little old-fashioned in this regard. He has to make the first move. May be a really long wait! It took two months for him to ask me out after he first 'saw' me. He was quick to point out that it took only about nine months to pop the big question.

Still, he could ask just to be polite...

Of course, I could always just ignore his request - teach him to hog all the hot dogs!!!!!!!!!!

I am soooo in touch

I am more electronically in touch with my computer than with most of my high school and college boyfriends! We are really close, like INTIMATE!!! I would feel violated, except I seem to be a willing/unwilling at times participant... but participant is the operative word!! I think the computer and its interweb capacities have seduced me... this is soooo wrong! I know I shouldn't, but I can't help myself! I am driven by my desire to out-do the Hub, and so far I have, but at what cost? TONIGHT'S DINNER, that's what!!!! Can you say 'crispy'? Not great in relation to pizza.

I know I should get out now before it goes too far and I do something I will really regret, but I don't know if I can stop? If bloggin' is so wrong, I don't wanna be right....

Take me out to the ball park...

I can honestly say that I don't think the Hub would buy me a hot dog... or cracker jacks, or peanuts.  Why, You ask? Well, tonight the fam had a big apres "the Great Ice Storm of '09" debris burning, which per the Hub should be celebrated with hotdogs and marshmallows. Delightful! 

You won't be surprised that I stayed inside with the baby, rather than roast her accidentally.  So, I stuck some tater tots into the oven for about 20 minutes, and when the buzzer went off, I set the table and hollered out to the Hub and three kids: when are the dogs gonna be ready?  I was met with four pairs of sheepish eyes, and one extra pair from a neighbor boy.  There, on a little make-shift table were buns and condiments...

I then heard a tall tale of how the dogs were 'falling' into the fire... and they had one for now... which I fed to the baby like a good parent (cut up, of course). I then sent #3, who had popped in to tell me about his open-fire-cooking-back-to-the-Neanderthal-experience, to get me another. #2 was sent in reply: sorry, we have no more hotdogs, Mom.

WHAT? There were 14 hotdogs? Where are yours? Hmmmm, they had been eating theirs fireside. They were all gone. 

I ate some tater tots, sans ketchup cause I was too angry to march down the back stairs and retrieve it!!!! Then, the masses and sweet neighbor boy brought a few marshmallows as a peace offering; they are forgiven. The Hub is not... he knew better.

So, rather than stay mad, I will plot revenge.

Tomorrow night is roasted chicken with potatoes and sugar snap peas.

Too bad he won't get a plate!

About Face

So, Sister Scout pulled a fast one on me, and managed to 'open a facebook account' for me... which the Hub then assumed, and began receiving emails saying: these people that you NEVER talk to EvER in a million trillion years all want to be your friend now, because they have nothing else to do tonight. It didn't take long to figure out that he'd taken the liberty of setting up a profile for himself... not US, but himself. Nice.

Now, one cannot set up more than one facebook account per email address.

I DID NOT WANT TO DO THIS FACEBOOK THING TO BEGIN WITH!

But due to the extreme circumstances I found myself in (backed into a corner, sweating bullets, running for my life), I had no other option than to open my own email account (granolamamakatie@yahoo.com), and then take the drastic and much dreaded step of opening my own facebook account... 

plus I one-upped him.

I AM MOBILE WITH MY FACEBOOK! YESSIRREEE!!!! I AM LIVE AND OUT LOUD!!!!!!

I'm not proud... aw, shucks... I sure as heck am! We're talking about one technologically challenged chickie, here! Yeah! I am proud!

And annoyed, that now I.Have.One. More. Thing. To. Do. Every. Day.

THANKS A HECK OF A LOT, SISTER SCOUT! JUST REMEMBER.... REVENGE IS MINE!!!! (wipe that stupid, smug look off your face - I mean it - NOT funny)

New Meaning to Dog-faced

We went out of town last night for a fun grown-up evening in Little Rock, to hear a great comedian; we drove home as the Hub had to work today. I went to bed today at 2 am. Consequently, my face looks like one of the kids' stuffed toys after Fat Annie the Very Bad Dog chews its face off. With make-up. And I feel like that too. Pretty!

We left the kiddies with Grandma, and I see evidence of their mischief... ice cream wrapper by the computer, McDonald's bag in the trash, dirty clothes scattered all over the house,.... Sad think is I am too tired to really care.

I can see myself starting to chew them out, yawning mid-gripe, and just deciding 'what the heck, I'm too tired'. So, I'm going to save myself the trouble and just pile all their garbage on top of their beds! I had two wonderful girls helping G-ma, and they tidied up SOOOOO beautifully, but the Masses are wiley....

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz                oh! Sorry Dozed off.........

A Gift that Keeps on Givin'

Valentine's Day was a real hit around here - yes, it takes THAT long for me to find the time sometimes to sit down and put my thoughts out there in cyberspace.  The Hub really outdid himself this year; nope. Not diamonds. Not a new car (I do have the UDM, remember? It needs a bath, though). He gave the gift that says: I love you soooo much.

I know, you've got your mind in the gutter once again... typical! Nope. He gave me a night away with a few homies (not hammies) at a little retreat for scrappin' Nothing says I love you more than life itself than "please take your over-worked-tired-grumpy-hiney" out of town for a night!!!!  Now, some women might be offended at their spouse ASKING them to leave town... those women do not have four children, two dogs, three hammies, and a Hub.  I rest my case.  I am that woman, and 

I AM THRILLED!!!!!!!!!!!  

BRING ON THE CHOCOLATE, BRING ON THE DIET COKE, BRING ON THE LATE NIGHT CROPPIN', BRING ON THE CHICK FLICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Oh, and I spoke with Sybil yesterday (she called - and oh, yes, I answered!!), and I am soooo slick sometimes that I impress myself; I started our lovely little chat with how are things with you, what's NEW, etc.  Funny how she failed to mention her J.O.B.  So, I just came right out and ASKED... BOY! Did that shock her! She missed a beat, and I knew that she knew she hadn't told me on PURPOSE, and that the jig was up!!!  In fact, I was even so bold as to ask her what she does at her job... hee hee hee heee!

NOTE: I am not making fun of her for working, but for the fact that in her warped multi-personalitied mind she feels the need to HIDE it from me. Yes, I do feel guilty. Just add it to the daily load of guilt and shame I tote around like a feed sack strapped to my back! I do not feel guilty enough, obviously, to refrain from blogging about it. Yeah - your perfect image of me is shattered, isn't it?

Now that's the stuff that makes it worth answering the phone some days, ya know what I mean? Hmmmm, think I'll stop by Hallmark and pick up a nice 'congrats on your new job' card!!!! GOlly, I just crack myself up!!!!!!!!!!!!  

And for those of you needing another laugh, go to you tube (not a site I normally send people to), and look up Sister Myotis - you want the Christian Panties video. Talk about worth gettin' up in the mornin' for - hilarious!  Oh, and do you have on 'good Christian panties with a GOdly cotton panel'?  ha ha ha ha ha.....

My Lack of Reputation

Apparently, my reputation has gone to the very dogs I feed and clean up after, or even lower, as indicated by the interesting emails an estranged cousin - estranged by her for reasons still unknown to me -  though I should get a clue from the interesting emails she has started sending in the past month or so. That's right, I haven't heard or talked with her in YEARS; then, the emails started.

They started benignly enough: God loves you (this I am VERY thankful for), God forgives you (again, infinitely thankful), God wants a personal relationship with you (Huh? Does she know me at all? I write and record Christian music? I used to talk with HER about God? Hmmmmm....) But, all in all, it is nice that she sends these bulk, mainly forwarded-stick-your-name-here-for-a-blessing-and-send-to-ten-of-your-friends emails.... But, NOTHING PERSONAL. No how are you's, no how are your kids, how's life, here's what's new in my world. Nope. I do not forward these, BTW.

So, apparently, based on whatever source of info she has (DOD and Sybil), I am going to Hell! Wow! That's news to me!!!! News to The Almighty too!  I've got news for her: WHEN YOU GET TO HEAVEN, DON'T BE SURPRISED TO SEE ME THERE! Seriously, I never really considered my eternal salvation up for question or recruitment, as I am quite secure in the fact that I love God - which I thought was a known fact. So, in case, you didn't know, I love God and Jesus is my Savior. There, now you know. Whew! 

So, could someone please tell my cousin? Frankly, the emails have escalated to "the wings of angels and trumpets, and people riding away on clouds and are you with them?" kind of genre, which I don't think is really a great way to proselytize by email. For some poor souls this could scare the bejeezuz out of them and drive them straight into some type of snake-handling cult! I oughta know, I've been there!!! Criminy!

And when the fear factor goes, you're stuck with a bunch of reptiles...

Gotta go pick up the mice....

The Job Market Just Got More Dangerous

First off, howdy to my new readers... yes, YOU!!!!  Thank you for coming back for more!  I hope it makes your day brighter to read how goofy I am sometimes, or how much these beloved Masses drive me to the edge of the ledge, or how much I sooooo need another DC (The Elixir of Life)!

I bet you're wondering why I am talking about the job market, though the last time the Hub left town for a week with work, I found myself updating my CV and scanning the want ads.... I had a shocking phone call yesterday from the 'Rental and Step-Rental; the phone call wasn't the shock, but a tidbit of info was... SYBIL GOT A JOB!!!!  That's right, she's joined the work force there in Tejas, the Promised Land, and is apparently working part-time for a CPA. Doing what? Who knows? Who cares? She's been threatening/ promising to get a job since the birth of their first child, about 18 years ago.  Ever since then, I've had to listen to the moans and groans and financial woes, as she and her spouse tend to spend every dime they make. 

Now, one's spending habits are one's business... unless you've spent the last 18 years @#$%@ about your lack of cash flow to ME (her hubbie is a doctor, and has job security, one would think; but he changes jobs about every five years, which can really cost ya)... and then those four sets of fine china seem little frivolous to me, the listener.  And the $100 plus  Longerberger baskets she uses to put her stinky boys' dirty clothes in seem a little ridiculous.  I honestly don't think that a basket woven by one of the blessed Masses would be worth $100... and they're the fruit of my womb!  

If I have to hear once more how long it's been since she bought clothes (which was just last WEEK), I will reach through the phone and strangle her with the little annoying plastic tag do-hickeys!!!!!!!  SORRY - almost lost it for a moment.  So, she's finally gotten a job.

Frankly, I'm wondering how long her little pampered self will be able to handle actually taking orders - oh, to be a fly on the wall!  And will she get anything done, or will she talk, talk, talk.... This is usually what happens whenever we are together for a visit (which I have tried to schedule major surgery in order to avoid): 

We decide to go somewhere (please, Lord, NOT shopping...)

I try to go get dressed, or ready to leave.

SHe is talking, about who knows what.

I go get dressed.

She is STILL talking, about the same who knows what.

She finally goes to get dressed, still talking about who knows what.

I take a moment to tidy up, repack our suitcases (for a speedy get-away), return phone calls, give birth, build a house....

She comes back... yep, still talking.

We gather any and everyone/thing that is going, and then...

SHE.HAS.ONE.MORE.THING.TO.DO.

I bang my head against the wall.

She is still talking.

I lop off my ears... yap yap yap yap yap!!!!!

Threaten to leave without her... yada yada yada...

I am now on the edge of a nervous breakdown, fire shooting out of my mouth, head spinning around...

STILL TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We finally leave - I am now on my seventh Diet Coke, and paying at Sonic for another - round on the house, baby!

I give her 

a month.

 

Can I see some ID?

Yes, ladies and gents, I recently got carded at Jack's Package - a lover-ly establishment with a delightful wine room, and my two favorite wines in stock.  The lady at the counter politely asked to see my ID; here's what happened:

Her: I need to see some ID.

Me: Oh, GOd bless you!! Thank you!!! 

I open wallet where said ID is visible through plastic window.

Her: Could you take that out, hon, cause I'm not believing what I'm seeing!!!

Me: Oh, how sweet!!! I could just kiss you!!!

She eyes me suspiciously as I remove DL from wallet and hand it to her. SHe stares at me... then at the DL, then at me - kinda like a tennis match on a teeny tiny court.

Me: I have four kids!

Her: Really.

Me: yeah. Oldest is 9 1/2, youngest just turned one on 1-3-09.  My boys are 7 1/2 and almost 5!

Her: Well, honey, I don't know what you do, but you do it well! You look to be in your mid-twenties!  What do you do?

Me: I love ya, lady! Can I bear a kid for you? BUy you a car? Lick your toilet clean?

I have decided to install that same lighting in the New House... who needs to see?

Living Like the Amish

Apparently God wanted us to get just a taste of Amish life early, and in real style - we had an ice storm. It knocked out the power here at Chez Granola Mama Katie for a few frosty days, which were manageable with a generator (cha-ching). Knocked out phone lines... cable... you get the idea. We here in semi-rural/semi-urban America were thrown back a few hundred years to prehistoric ( OK, pre-Thomas Edison) times: cooking over an open fire, or gas-grill; huddling together for warmth; forgoing cleanliness for warmth - or shrieking like a mad woman sponging off in freezing cold water because you just HAVE to be clean; candles, or LED flashlights, to illuminate the darkness.  Yep, these were desperate times.  In fact, some of my fellow 'transplants' ( what we call those of us living here not born here and staying here because crazy Sybil lives in The Promised Land... The Republic of Texas.... insert wistful sigh here) are still struggling through the long winter, awaiting spring or the power company to get their electricity back on, whichever comes first.

We took this opportunity to talk with The Masses a little about how the Amish people live, and touched on why, and how their lifestyle is different from ours - yes, I meant 'me', not me and the Hub... like he knows how they live! Ha!  I realized in educating the Masses a little that we still had it really easy. I mean, when the electricity went out, we bought a generator; they use NO ELECTRICITY... FOR ANYTHING... LIKE LIGHTS... AND AN OVEN... and definitely NOT a computer or television!

* It was truly delightful to be TV free.  Unfortunately, my OCD kicked into overdrive and I felt the insane urge to clean like a 9 months pregnant woman (NO, I AM NOT PREGNANT - WHEW!)

I couldn't wait to get out of the house on Friday (I'd been at home since Monday afternoon), and I looked forward to hopping behind the wheel of the UDM, or anything for that matter... except an unheated horse and buggy.  Talk about 'homebody'! Nothing like hitchen' up the buggy in 20 degree weather to make ya wanta stay home!!!!

And of course, the Masses wanted to know if they had outhouses. This is up for debate, though the books I have read, most of them did use an outhouse.  DO they still? We may have to wait for our visit to find out. But, people are resourceful, and I wouldn't be surprised if some enterprising Amish person hadn't come up with a way to avoid the 20 degree visit to the outhouse!

I truly felt like a Pioneer Katie as I cooked sausage and pancakes on the grill - and I truly felt grateful that this wasn't my everyday life!

I am thankful God put me here now, and in this place (and not in Texas cuz you-know-who lives there, the one we aren't gonna name...). Yep, I think I coulda done the whole survival/pioneer/give birth in the fields and a keep on pickin' thing ...

but I am SOOOOOO happy I don't have to find out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!