More Revenge for Woodie

While I'd like to think that this blog will be inspiring, causing some of you to live better, fuller lives... I have a feeling I'm gonna fall short of that mark!!!  Thank you, Sister Lunch Lady, for your assistance with the 'Woodie' problem.  She called with a rec to try AttackSpider.com, for a realistic, sound and motion operated fuzzy black, rather large spider that drops from the eaves of the house to terrify ol' Woodie into moving!!! Love it!!! 

Attack Spider costs about $15 for one, and if you buy in bulk, there's a discount.  In fact, you can get a case, which is some serious Attack action (!), for $216 - I know this has to be , like 32 or something.  Now, listen up - if you need that many Attack Spiders, then you have more than a woodpecker problem... you have an epidemic.  In fact, it would be a whole lot more cost effective to just go with the flow and list your domicile as a woodpecker haven and habitat!

The ol' if ya can't beat 'em, join 'em theory!!! Besides, there might be some type of tax relief in providing a natural habitat for an endangered species... worth checking out, don't ya think?

So, today, as I picked up the basement (where the Masses reside), both the Hub and I noticed an offensive smell - think a skunk got hit by a car carrying a bunch of very poopy horses in the Arizona desert on a 140 degree day with a driver carrying a bunch of bottles of simulated doe urine - that's the smell.

I start investigating, once I determine that all the hammies are accounted for (didn't want to find a dead, rotting hammie).  As I enter our 9 year-olds room, the smell intensifies.  I start towards her bathroom... and the hairs in my nose are singed off!!!  I enter the bathroom, and I am temporarily blinded by the aroma of dead and decaying - well, something dead and decaying!!!!

I steady myself against the towel rack, and forge ahead!  Each step is an olfactory assault - tears are sliding down my face, I am gasping for breathe... I reach the potty... I lift the lid... and I am knocked almost unconscious by the smell...

A GIANT FERMENTING "POOH-POOH - HAUNTED - US" REARS ITS DISSOLVING HEAD!!!!!!!

AAARRRRGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Funny thing is, NO ONE will own up to it!!!! In fact, according to our kids, they haven't pooped in about a week!!!!!  THereby giving them alibis for the 24 - 48 hour time frame (based on decomposition and fragrance) of said crime.  Continuing to investigate...