Addendum

Apparently, for not going to the fair parade, I am sentenced to paying penance: I will now accompany not one, but TWO children to the Fair for a school tour - yea!!!!  But not to suffer alone, I have recruited the Hub to go to the third child's tour! HA!!!  And poor #4 is just along for the ride, so to speak (actually, little 'Barnacle Betty' will ride in the Hip Hammock, so she will literally ride.) SHe doesn't care as long as she's with me... all the time.  Gotta go rescue "BB" form the Masses...

What's Fair is Fair

THANK YOU, SISTER, FOR YOUR COMMENT!!!!  For all you other lazy-butt peeps, she's got our backs - yea!!!  Not to worry, I'm gonna start packin' (I wish for Paris, but no, the fair parade).

I realized just a little bit ago that we had two conflicting events: soccer practice and the fair parade!  What a colossal catastrophe!!!  I don't know how I'm gonna break this one to the kids, but I know which one is gettin' ditched... the fair parade!!

Blasphemy or wisdom?  Really folks, the parade is THE SAME every year, and so are the hardships involved!  We have to get there about an hour early, or parking is an issue, and feed the kiddies Mickey D's, which they'll get anyway, and wait for the stupid thing to start, and it's usually hot and humid, and today might drizzle a little (and my hair looks too Jaclyn Smith fab as I saw the Hair Guru today), and I'm going to opt for the no show!  ANd the route is on the main drag, so until they block the street off, we have to constantly keep suicide vigil lest one of them decide to dart into oncoming traffic.  AND there is the whole candy issue.

Parade walkers/ floaters throw candy. Lots of it. And the children madly scramble after it amongst other children with vehicles and tractors or horses slowly rolling by.  And there are always some kids that hog more than their share - last year it was MY kids, so proud - and they fight about it... should I go on?  Needless to say, parades aren't my favorite thing with kids.  And there's a Christmas parade, and a Valentine's Parade, and  Fourth of July Parade, and A 'Whatever ' Parade... OK, not so many, but we've got some seriously parade happy people around here!!!  And parade happy attenders, which reminds me of Sister O'Well, who will no doubt be on the front lines grabbin' candy with the best of 'em (and her grandson - she's teaching 'em younguns right!!!) 

But alas, heretic that I am, I will be on the other side of town at the soccer fields, happily smelling turkey poo!!!  I'll take the latter!

Baby Bullies

True Story.  Translate: I poop you not!  Today, #4 experienced her first encounter with a bully.  The older child, all of 18 months old, scowled at her and repeatedly tried to or did (fast little devil) snatch #4's butterfingers from her mouth.  I repeatedly told the little girl/monster,"No, no! That's not nice! She likes to suck on her fingers!", or "Be careful, you might hurt her arm!" And, the little offender tried to scratch her and smack her chubby leg - mind you, not while granny was looking, oh no, she wanted to hug the baby when granny was watching!

Finally, the grandma (where was mom?) saw her and scolded her and slapped her hand when she reached for #4 again.  I couldn't help but think to myself, who had very similar thoughts: what is wrong with your home life that you have to be so aggressive with a baby?  I decided it was time to get up out of my chair after the three or four minute assault, and return later for the child I had dropped off for an extracurricular activity.  That's right, this all happened in a few short minutes.  What is wrong with this poor little girl that she feels so angry?  Does she have siblings that pick on her, or parents that ignore her, or ... perhaps ... is she jealous of #4's obvious natural beauty????

I couldn't even begin to speculate, but I'm gambling jealousy is in the picture somewhere!  I couldn't believe this blatant display of aggression from a child so young towards another child she doesn't even know.  #1 expressed anger towards #2 when he was an infant, but she was really unhappy that he'd come along and challenged her position (we are still trying to help her understand that the world doesn't revolve around her - shock!)  But this was sibling rivalry; today's episode of bullying was different.  I'm sure there is psycho-babble to explain what happened, but I can tell you what will happen... I will not let this little vile, evil critter ( OK, that's a somewhat strong language, I admit) near my beautiful angel again!

Now, Me and Myself want to point out that it is really inappropriate that I've taken this story and manipulated it into discussing #4's unbelievably breathtaking beauty which transcends all cultures and time, and I would like to apologize for that sometime, just not now!  In fact, I'm pleased with how this has taken a turn from a rather sad, shocking tale of rural infant gang warfare to 'thinking on things that are good, lovely, true,...' (I would quote the scripture from the Word, but I'd have to stop and look it up).

Oh, and I called the Impact Martial Arts instructor and set up a private lesson for #4; we shouldn't have this problem again!!!

On the Start of Soccer Season

Aaaahhhh, the start of soccer season!  This will be our third season (which is actually fall and spring), and I really look forward to stripping my vocal cords at my 7 year-olds' games.  They are seriously fun!!!!  And my 4 year-olds' games will progress from 'bunch' ball, to the free-for-all kickfest!  Nothing like spending a Saturday morning inhaling the nearby turkey farms' offal  along with my morning Diet Coke!  I mean, you haven't lived until you've frozen your keester in the porta-potty in November relieving your bladder!!!!

And nothing smells as good as good ol' soccer field dirt... which means that my children will be forced to strip nekkid before they get into my nice new Platinum Level Vehicle.  But talk about scrapbook opportunities!  

So, I packed the kiddies 2 & 3 off to soccer practice with the Hub, and await the funfest of an extra dance class for #1, as she is going to dance at her dance school's exhibition at the Baxter County Fair, aka the Baxter County Freakfest.   Yep, fall is here, and the Fair is near!!!

I wouldn't miss the fair for the world!  Where else can one go to catch up on the latest in animal husbandry, and the experience known as "the variables of genetics".  Friday and Saturday nights are the best, but the real freaky people come out after dark, so stay at least 30 minutes after the sun sets; this is really telling, isn't it?  They only come out after dark?  Get it?????

I've always wondered why the tattoo parlors/ studios/whatever are so popular here.  Now I know.  ANd it is really only a select group that falls into the freaky category (and having a tattoo does not a freak make - plenty of normal folks have 'em too) and these folks have an abundance of 'tatts', and piercings, and chains... with the piercings, and mohawks and other spiked hair-do's.  ANd here is where I digress...

 The mid to late eighties spawned the punk look which evolved to goth with all its black, spikes, and mohawks, which then evolved into grunge, which then moved to alternative, and appears to be cycling back, this based on latest fashion magazines (hint: if it was BAD to begin with, why go back? Were leg-warmers ever really a good fashion choice?).  So, I look at all these freaky folks and think not how far out and wild they are, but how unimaginative and retro... can't they come up with something NEW?????

I am so BORED with spikes and chains and black and piercings and nipple rings (the last one was just to see if you were paying attention!)!!!!!

I admit I have been tempted in the past to get a tatt, but I imagined 1) the pain (no thanks), 2) what it would look like when I am old and wrinkly (NOOOO thanks!).  What are these kids gonna do when they hit their eighties and they have hair growing out of their nose piercing? Or they have to trim the hair in and around the brow ring?  What is they have crazy eyebrows and you can't even see the ring? What a waste!!!!  And  think about a SAGGY tattoo from weight gain, or one with stretch marks (from pregnancy or beer, or both).  

And just ponder the mental anguish of some poor healthcare worker when they change your depends and see a withered old teddy bear winking back at them.  Nice.  No, I'm all for fashion forward, not backwards; I'll pass on the 'Material Girl' look and leg-warmers - I'd rather be cold at the soccer field.

On the Subject of Putting the Masses to Bed

My apologies for yesterday's venting - THe Hub addressed the situation with the cyber-bully Superior Dude, and all is peaceful in Cyber Land once again.  No more Katie Bashing, unless dully warranted - and we all know there are plenty of valid opportunities!!!!

So, tonight I have whatever nasty virus the Masses have sooooo lovingly shared with me, and pretty much feel like walked on ground in eaten by worms horse poop.  And very snotty.  In fact, I question how much snot the human body can produce.  Surely, I've reached max capacity!  I'm sportin' the raw red spot at the base of the nares ... nice!

And this is why I want the Masses to GO TO BED!  I took some cold medicine (nighttime formula), and I feel gooooood!!!  I want to enjoy my legal cold-medicine high in peace - besides, I was having a nice conversation with ME, Myself, and I, and we were really get somewhere with the whole solve world hunger thing.  But, #3 has come upstairs 4 times now, for various lame, made-up reasons, and frankly, I'm about to lock the basement door and plug my ears to block out the screaming!  I'd pay serious money to go to bed this early!  I'd pay even more to have some chocie - milk and a show and then go to a nice cozy bed, get kissed on the head and have someone turn out the lights, and say 'nightie-night'!!!

Isn' t it ironic how we fight sleep as infants and children, avoid it as adolescents and twenties, and then when we can't have any b/c of having babies, we crave it like chocolate and Diet Coke (oh, you know you do!) , which is how we get hooked on chocolate and Diet Coke!  Are we hard wired this way, or is this some type of evolutionary mutation (this has nothing to do with whether or not you believe in evolution or Creationism... I'm talking nature vs. nurture here)?

Are we trying to catch up on all the sleep we missed during the first part of our lives?  Is THAT why I am sooooo tired?  Too many late nights?  Brings new meaning to the phrase: "Paying for your raising"!  Isn't anyone doing any research on this subject?  I'd sign up as a sleep test subject - I'll sleep a lot and let ya know how I feel in the morning!  Where do I report for duty?

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

On the Subject of the Hub's Email

well, before I elaborate, let me give you an FYI: the doggie diaper is working nicely.  we had the new carpet put in today, and I employed said diaper, and have thus far experienced success!  It has been 3 hours 27 minutes, and 43, no 44 seconds!!!!!  Yippee!  No pee - and doggie still alive - win- win for both of us!

So, on to our more pressing topic, which wasn't a topic until recently (like 4 minutes ago).  It seems that the age-old ritualistic female-bashing is still practiced, especially amongst our more cro-mag-man species!  I tend to open most of the email, as this is a family computer, and the Hub has proven in the past to only tell me things that he and the Big Names cook up until the last minute, which does tend to irritate me b/c I need a little 'plan' time.  Anyway, I read a nice "Katie Bash" in one of them, relating to something years ago (I told him he couldn't go on a trip with the boys b/c he had been several places already that year for work or sport), and this fella makes some snide comment about it - my how hard I am laughing.  He fails to see the responsibility-free life he leads clearly through his superior-colored lenses: he and his spouse, who won't take his surname, have chosen not  to have children, mainly because she doesn't want any.  Fine.  I think she is perfectly capable of deciding whether she wants to be a parent; heaven knows that more people ought to make that choice - and some days I think I am not the best parent I could be!  But, we have four children; the Hub has a busy practice; and he also has a myriad of time consuming hobbies.  I have the right to say,"hey, enough fun for just you, Buddy! Stay home and enjoy your family so we can enjoy you!"  but according to Superior Dude, I am to fault.  Now, I have my faults, but the Hub will tell you that telling him he can't go do things is not really one of them.  I'm good with him fishing, or golfing, or a little road trip with the boys, but don't think you get 'em all in one month!!!!! ( In my defense, he had been gone for 5 weeks out of 6 1/2 months; we had three little kids, and that is a lot for them,... and me.)

So, I hope Superior dude feels so much better about himself for 'bashing' me.  I feel pretty much the same, thank you very much.  Except it doesn't really do much to endear Superior Dude, and his cronies, to me; just not feelin' the love.  I also, wish I didn't feel like I had to defend myself to him or anyone else.  But this is one time I doubt the Hub is gonna rush in with his guns a blazin', so to speak.  Funny, Superior Dude isn't whalin' on Jellyfish, who attends NONE of their functions, b/c of the BLack Widow (she hates all Jellyfishes' family and friends).  His lenses must be awfully foggy!!!!

So, (here it comes, another cosmically enlightening message), I don't think we should have to justify our actions on the best behalf of our families to anyone, and I think others ought to take into account that they haven't walked in my moccasins and evaluate our behavior with that in mind... OR JUST FRANKLY BUTT OUT!!!  And , so I should evaluate the behavior of others with the same open mind, and understand that there are circumstances beyond my knowledge causing their behavior and choices.

Food for thought.  Oh, THe Hub wants me to stop reading his email; he'll have to prove himself first.  Or better yet, why not stand up for me and tell the homies WHY I sometimes (VERY RARELY) veto his trips - and I said he could go on the one this past August, but homeslice couldn't work his schedule out. That is officially NOT MY FAULT!

He's got some choices... Door #1, or Door #2?  (tick tock, tick tock...)

We're All a Bunch of Hypocrits

We are. It's true. To some degree, we're all in this boat together... or are we?  I think some folks knowingly or unknowingly, however the case may be, sail their own cruise liners of contradiction.  I'd like to think mine is more of a dingy, but I'm sure I'm the captain of another cruise liner of some sort, or even two!!! So, I'm not without sin either... this I know; no need to start commenting NOW in order to enlighten me as to my particular sins... one by one I'm sure... I have a sister for that, thank you very much!

The Hub spoke with the Jellyfish last night, and the latter mentioned watching the Olympic events, and his usual soccer games, on the computer, as the Black Widow will not allow them to own a TV;  apparently this form of informative viewing (or recreational - the choice is yours - THERE IS AN 'OFF' BUTTON, ya know!) is "beneath her",... either that or she wants to live under a rock!  She'd rather read papers on her computer, about three daily - I don't know about you, but who the heck has time for that?  Thirty minutes of CNN, and I'm good for the day - I know who bombed who, who married/divorced who, who' s threatening to bomb who, and what the world thinks/ is doing about it; plus, I get local weather and a little local news - works for me.  

So, I really found the fact that they WATCH MOVIES, and SPORTING EVENTS, and WORLD EVENTS (like political events) on their computer, yet THe BW sees it as "acceptable", SOOOOO HYPOCRITICAL!!!!!!!!!!!  I'd like to therefore, make the following announcement.

Attention Black Widow and Jellyfish:

YOU ARE NOT BETTER THAN THE REST OF US!  BECAUSE YOU CAN AND DO USE YOUR COMPUTER TO ACCESS THE SAME VIEWING LINE-UP AS THE REST OF US CAN WITH CABLE, YOU ARE EFFECTIVELY EMPLOYING YOUR COMPUTER AS A (GASP!) TELEVISION!!!

IT COUNTS, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU WATCH TELEVISION - NAH NAH NAH NAH POOH-POOH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So stop acting like the rest of us are poor mindless amoebas and ADMIT IT, you bunch of Pansies!!!!!!!!  You watch TV!!!!!!  AND YOU LOVE IT!!!!  You probably want to own your own station so you can brain wash the rest of us into thinking that we don't watch TV, too!!!!!!!!!!!

Golly, I feel better!!!!  Seriously, do these people think they are fooling us? Themselves, maybe, but I find their condescension with regards to this/ and everything, a thin, veiled  attempt to boost self-esteem: the ol' "I'm better than you because...".  And aren't we all guilty of that?  I know, I said I wouldn't use this blog to write poignant essays that might change your life (this would be the example of the ol' " I think I am better that you because I obviously am...." J/K!!!), and most likely, honestly, it won't! But it has made me think about how I can change myself and stop the whole, "I'm better than you..." because we all have our quirks (yes, I do have more than the average bear).  

For example, I know folks that won't drink or dance or curse or skip a day of church because of the brand of religion they subscribe to, but they'll gossip like a bluebird in springtime!!!  And they look down on me, and probably talk about me too, because I make mistakes!  They have to drive the right car in the right jeans and keep up appearances - heck, I'm good in The Minivan, in whatever jeans I can zip that day and I wear sunglasses so that no one knows who I am because I probably didn't finish my make-up (do I hear an AMEN?)!!!!!! I see NO WRONG in a good boogie, or a dry Chardonnay, and YES! I do curse sometimes - but I really try not to as the BIble says it's offensive to God;  but it also says I'm sinful - SURPRISED????  That means that I too will gossip (or fail to use correct punctuation in said poignant essay)!  So, I am no better  because I get that it isn't about keeping score but about just running the race AGAINST MYSELF and keeping my eye on the finish line.  I cannot lord that over those that keep score, because I do that , too.

And I watch some TV (though I think TiVo and the cell phone - which they can watch TV on too! - are among some of our greater inventions),... AND SO DO THEY! SO THERE!

There endeth the lesson, Grasshopper!